Fiction

WHAT IF TIMBITS ARE THE CENTERS FROM DOUGHNUTS?!

davedirk:

davedirk:

lauraforgood:

m33wlin:

WE WERE WATCHING THIS MOVIE IN GYM AND THE MAIN CHARACTER WAS LIKE “I’M TIRED AND HUNGRY AND HORNY” AND ME AT THIS OTHER CUTE GUY IN THE BACK JUST BOTH GO “SAME” AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND I WINKED AND EVERYONE WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE BUT I WAS LAUGHING REALLY HARD AND THIS IS WHY I DONT HAVE FRIENDS

can we have a tumblr marriage for you guys?

seems legit

woops

IM ACTUALLY CRYING

bigasseyesfullawonder:

things my grandchildren are going to hear me say

yo

lil nigga

chicken nugger

swiggity swag what’s in the bag

bitch i might be

holla holla get dolla

swaggy

bip bop bam i don’t give a damn

ding dong that is wrong

things i never wanted my grandchildren to hear me say

yo

lil nigga

chicken nugger

swiggity swag what’s in the bag

bitch i might be

holla holla get dolla

swaggy

bip bop bam i don’t give a damn

ding dong that is wrong

Me: Uh oh
I almost didn’t flip over my grilled cheese in time
I’m a bad parent

Mom: Did I raise you

trungles:

upgraders:

a pack of “nice guys” should be called a fedoration

I have never reblogged something so fast before in my life.

when you hear your parents coming and you try to switch to a safe tab only to realize there is no safe page

sodamnrelatable:

THERE IS NO SAFE PAGE

THERE IS NO SAFE PAGE

THERE IS NO SAFE PAGE

~~THERE IS NO SAFE PAGE~~

~~THERE IS NO SAFE PAGE~~

(Source: feodorovna)

riceboyrey:

arch-assbutt:

agnecaiwolf:

jesus-was-a-hindu:

LOL

I tried to scroll past. I really did.

well I didn’t want to scroll past it

I genuinely couldn’t scroll past this.

I don’t even really care for Iron Man as much as anyone else and here I am reblogging this

things that should be allowed to be used in essays:

i shit you not

you feel me

no but get this

i’m just sayin

let me explain you a thing

and yeah

(Source: doctortveit)

i cybered on omegle today

You: hi
Stranger: hey
You: wanna cyber
Stranger: Depends are you a girl? ;)
You: ya
Stranger: And okay then, you start?
You: i come into ur bedroom
You: and ur sleeping
You: and i crawl under your blanket
Stranger: I'm still asleep
You: u feel me pulling down ur pants
You: and u wake up and smile
Stranger: I kiss you gently, still sleepy
You: then i smile and open the scissors around your dick and snap them closed
You: cutting off your penis
Stranger: wait
You: THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR CHEATING ON ME
Stranger: Then what...?
You: I HATE YOU
Stranger: I didn't cheat
You: you bleed to death in your bed
Stranger: i didn't cheat on you. lets restart ok
You: nobody ever knows what happened
You: i flee to mexico with your Mercedes
You: the end
Stranger: I have a mercedes?
You: not anymore faggot
Your conversation partner has disconnected.